Out Of The Frying Pan... Now Where Do I Go?

Straight into the fire it seems.

Last Friday I had the scans which will determine whether a transplant with prove fruitful or not. I get the results this Friday, and if they show the cancer is still contained in my liver, I will go on a transplant waiting list for a deceased donor, while the hospital test my family to see if I can have a partial transplant from one of them. But if the scans show the cancer is spread, then I have no choice but to try my luck with Chemo in the hope it buys me some time.

So in an optimistic attempt to educate myself about the procedure that has the potential to cure me of this forever, I took a look at the NHS website http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/liver-transplant/pages/introduction.aspx, I also wanted to find out how I can look after myself before and after the transplant operation. But in the process of researching the operation, I have frightened myself beyond belief. Of course I realised the seriousness of the situation I'm in before opening up the web page, but I always try to remain positive, so seeing the risks and side effects of my 'get out of jail card' staring back at me in black and white has terrified me.

I read that in order to avoid the chance of my body rejecting the new liver, whether it's from a living or deceased donor, I will have to take drugs known as Immunosuppressants for the rest of my life. The hospital prescribes a very high dose initially and gradually reduces the level you need as time goes on. Manageable, so far. But as I read on I learnt how these drugs in turn carry their own risks and devastating side effects. With conditions such as hair loss, hallucinations, diabetes and cataracts listed as some, I started to wonder if it was all worth it? Of course they can reduce the level of immunosuppressants you are taking if the side effects become unbearable, but they must ensure the immune system remains suppressed enough to avoid the chance of your system rejecting the new organ. It's a kind of balancing act which can only be monitored according to how your body reacts to the level of drugs you take.

And so I get rid of one disease to be confronted by a list of others. But I must remember that I'm strong and healthy otherwise. I would much prefer to be aware of the possible side effects going into the operation, rather than discover them as they are happening, at least now I will be prepared for them. If I went in with my eyes closed and found I was hallucinating, losing my hair, or even worse, losing my sight, as well as suffering with the pain from the operation, that would be far more frightening.

But I know having this transplant holds the best chance for me at beating this disease. I need to look beyond the effects of the immunosuppressants and know that they can at least, to some extent, be controlled. The same cannot be said of Cancer. So I'm ready for those scan results, I'm ready for them to show that I'm clear everywhere else, and I'm ready for the operation. This week is National Transplant Week... I think that's a good sign!